TivoliVredenburg has done a video-art (projection) project with multiple artists in the past years, called Canvas. For this year (2026), the theme was "resistance". My idea got accepted, so I had the chance to do something cool!
The animation can be seen from 'park 5 or 6' on Fridays and Saturdays from 22:00-01:00, from February 2026, for some months in 2026. So go visit TivoliVredenburg and take a look if you're interested! Afterwards I will publish the animation (and hopefully the VR scenes) here as well.
Here is the animation, shown in a usual digital way:
Next to the projection, there is the podcast Canvas Talks with a more in-depth interview about the artwork/animation (in Dutch though).
What I did
My idea was to create an animation in Open Brush, a VR application where you can draw and paint in a 3D space (sometimes with animated brushes). I already worked a few times in this app. Of course this isn't necessarily a logical choice, seeing as the projection is 2D but I wanted to see if it could work. Not only because I was curious for the 'experiment' but also because it is a different way to create than I'm used to, a more embodied way.
The animation-frames I was making were almost-life-sized. Everytime it felt like a bit of a work-out but it was also quite mindful, I had to use my whole body and because the work was frame-by-frame I had to think of how and what to move all the time. That vs. how I usually draw (sitting the whole time, sort of spacing-out...something I could do all day long and just get lost in time). I think my body was more connected to what I made, which is interesting seeing otherwise I sometimes feel a bit more dissociated.
I wanted to challenge myself and I wondered with this choice: What would do this for me as an artist in my art and for me as a person? In a way it's also resisting the 'usual ways' of making my art. And for me it was a choice to do something more personal story-wise. Read more about that below.
The result is a quite simple animation, because I'm actually more of an illustrator and frame-by-frame animation takes a LOT of time, especially in this VR app. Open Brush's animation features is build by enthousiasists, it's an open source program, but that also means it's not totally stable and has not a lot of explanation of how it works. Meaning I couldn't do everything that I planned to (like 360-videos). I don't think it's something for every artist. And working in VR is intense, usually after every hour I needed to take a break and after every 2-2,5 hours my body just was tired.
I used animated brushes, but you don't see that from far. However if you get into the VR scene, you can see it up-close. The general brush I used is a bit wiggly, it's both a sort crayon-like and 'kiddy' style but has a certain tension to it which I thought would translate well to the tension in the body that one has when experiencing (intense) emotions. I also used some other animated brushes symbolizing feelings for example the clouds in the bodies and the little sparks coming from certain moments. And especially the ones on the other side of the stairs and the 'vortex' are different and more abstract.
The longer background story
The theme spoke to me because it resonated with something that developed inside me in the past five years. That has to do with parenting and upbringing of our child. And a developed resistance against 'usual ways' throughout earlier painful times.
It's been an ongoing theme and (sometimes a) challenge. I love my kid, and my partner and I decided already a long time ago that we wanted to bring up our kid in a way where emotions are welcome and where love, attention, awareness and acceptance is the most important thing. But that isn't always easy, especially if you weren't taught how to do that yourself.
There are a lot of families where emotions aren't welcome, being pushed away or making pressured 'cracks' explode in others. Simply because people never learned how to deal with it. And the same goes for attention and love. In current days in our country it becomes more normal that kids get attention and that parents are 'involved' in their kids life. Again, that isn't normal for everybody.
Of course this also says something about our own upbringing, and in this artproject about mine in particular. Dealing with emotions and feelings, and for example things like trauma can be tracked back to former generations. It is 'learned', not only through parents and parents of parents (through attachment-styles for example), but also people around them, culture and society. Sometimes older people say "it is just how it was back then", but that's not something I really believe in.
Later on I discovered this is actually a trending theme in the current years, for example there are more people going no-contact with parents and there are books becoming popular about how to handle the 'boomer' generation that sometimes comes across as emotional immature.
It starts with making a different choice.
To say you have the power to do something different isn't always true either, especially if you never learned to, then it isn't so easy. But, you can make a choice to learn to become different. You can choose to explore, look inside and feel what you need. You have the power to choose for love and softness. You have the power to resist whatever does not work.
Is it easy? No. You can probably imagine that to re-learn how to deal with emotions and feelings takes a lot. Especially if you take into accounts the (former) effects of it. And even when you learn it still asks something of yourself. To make that choice 'inside'. It does become a little more easy after repitition and also after seeing what it brings: giving, getting and having more love around means often a lighter life with more pleasure, a life where you feel more close to each other. A life where you can be really there, being yourself.
So this is what I wanted to tell with my animation. For example the getting up and down the stairs is a thing that can happen 'inside'. You need to climb that 'wall' or take the effort to put something aside and take the time to give awareness and space to it. Sometimes it doesn't work out and you are back to a point where you started from. It doesn't mean you can't try again. Same goes for the choices on how to handle emotion. Do you let it be? Are you freezing up? Or do you comfort your kid? Are you and they allowed to feel and/or cry? So let's try to make more 'space' for this together!
"I will, I won't" can be seen in 2026 in 'park 6' in TivoliVredenburg, Utrecht every Friday and Saturday from 22:00-01:00, for a certain while.
More information on the TivoliVredenburg website!
Here's a videocapture of me filming it during the launch-night:
Want to see more VR projects or personal stories of mine? Click below!